I read the news today oh boy, 4000 holes in Blackburn Lancashire. Not my words, Carol, the words of John Lennon. And while Blackburn are no longer in the Premier League, there are numerous, possibly 4000, holes in top-flight squads up and down the country. Here are five of the most glaring chasms, and five potential solutions.

Long Range Liverpool

In 2015-16 Liverpool scored 15 Premier League goals from outside the box. In 2016-17, the club’s first full season under Jurgen Klopp, they netted 13 from range, followed by nine in 2017-18 and a mere five as they came just a cruel point short of winning the title in 2018-19. That is what is known as a downward trend, and although experts and thinkers now know that shooting from long range is not a reliable way of scoring goals, you still need to do it now and again. Indeed, Manchester City’s title win was essentially sealed by their veteran club captain scoring a logic-shattering belter against Leicester.

The Reds’ top scorer from long range across the past four seasons remains Philippe Coutinho, someone who departed the club more than 18 months ago yet has nine more Premier League goals from outside the box than any other Liverpool player (check out Divock Origi in second place on five for some added surprise factor). Liverpool’s title bid ‘faltered’ with draws against the like of Leicester at home and Everton away. Would Coutinho have popped up with a right-peg Exocet in at least one of the games? The computer says yes.

SOLUTION: It may be distasteful to some/many Liverpool supporters, but Coutinho is unhappy at Barcelona, Barcelona need to raise funds and the Brazilian has said he’ll never play for a Premier League club that isn’t called Liverpool. This is one long shot that looks like it could have a 100% success rate.

Coutinho to sign for Liverpool this summer – 10/1

Here To Defend

While Arsenal launch their aesthetically strong new kit and try and sign the aesthetically pleasing Wilfried Zaha it’s the defence that needs fixing. In Arsene Wenger’s final season as manager, the Gunners let in 51 goals, a record high for them in the Premier League. In their first season under Unai Emery, brought in to bring discipline where Wenger allowed laissez-faire rambling, Arsenal once again conceded 51 goals. 102 goals conceded in just two seasons. Adams, Bould and Keown this is not.

The last time Arsenal let in fewer than 30 goals in a Premier League campaign was in 2003-04, a notable season for reasons that don’t need outlining here. Add in the fact that their most reliable defender of the decade, Laurent Koscielny, is apparently on his way out of the club and the need for a stopper is palpable.

SOLUTION: Cash un-rich Arsenal can’t realistically compete for the likes of Harry Maguire at the big table so Emery should return to Spain and hunt for bargains. For all the criticism of Wenger in his latter time at the club, the likes of Koscielny and Rob Holding were cheap and effective imports. Arsenal were linked with Fernando Calero in the January window and the Valladolid centre half ended the 2018-19 season with 164 clearances, the seventh highest total in the division. Or what about Athletic Club’s Unai Nunez who featured three times for Spain in the European U21 championships? A 30m release clause isn’t exactly cheap but probably doable for a prospect as highly rated as Nunez. Unai, meet Unai.

Comeback kid

Southampton threw away a barely credible 29 points from winning positions in 2018-19 which makes the fact they avoided relegation actually quite impressive. There was a big upturn under new manager Ralph Hasenhüttl but the Austrian will still want to embark on a revamp. And if your team was notorious for chucking points away, why not recruit from the team who gained the most points from losing positions as some sort of stylish counter-move? In 18-19 Big Five league terms that was Atalanta, and their Dutch wing-back Hans Hateboer chipped in with five assists and five goals as his club finished in Serie A’s top three for the first time in their history.

SOLUTION: Sad as it is to see a team outperform expectations and then get raided like a medieval village, Southampton need to head to Bergamo (just a short distance from Austria, Ralph) and get this deal done. A Hans on approach will see Saints steer well clear of trouble in 2019-20.

Keeper Claim

Summer is an important time for Bournemouth as they top the Premier League in some places in their seasonal guise as AFC Bournemouth. Goalkeeping at the club is similarly a matter of As and Bs, with Asmir Begovic and Artur Boruc sharing 36 of the club’s league games in 2018-19. Begovic is the most recent ‘keeper to score in the English top-flight and he did so past Boruc, so perhaps this has caused unrest on the training ground. Whether it has or not, Bournemouth’s saves to shots rate last season was 61% and only bottom club Huddersfield had a lower figure, so a new goalkeeper probably wouldn’t go amiss. [NB: in May, Young Mark Travers became the first teenager goalkeeper to start a Premier League game for 13 years but is probably not ready for the rigours of being a first choice glovesman just yet]. 

SOLUTION: The Cherries invariably have cash to spend but they’ll have to scout wisely. Why not plump for a ‘keeper experienced in facing shots and good at keeping them out? Caen’s Brice Samba led the Big Five Leagues + Eredivisie in Opta’s Goals Prevented Rate for goalkeepers aged 26 or under. Despite his heroics, the Normandy side were relegated so Samba is probably well up for a quick switch to the other side of the English channel.

United’s 20 Goal A Season Man

The myth of the 20-goal-a-season man is a strong one. Michael Owen never managed it in his league career. Manchester United did not possess one between Brian McClair bagging 24 in 1987-88 and Dwight Yorke reaching 20 in the spring of 2000. And United won quite a lot of trophies in the 1990s, you know. Even so, Robin van Persie’s rapid-heritage 2012-13 season in which he parachuted in, scored 26 goals and won Alex Ferguson a final title shows the sugar rush of a 20+ goal man, and that’s something that Ole Gunnar Solskjaer (best PL scoring season: 18 in 1996-97) would gladly accept.

SOLUTION: The Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang rumour doesn’t make sense at first but then it really does. In his last four league seasons he’s scored 22, 23, 31 and 25 goals and specialises in the sort of penalty box mopping up that United’s current forwards don’t really have in their toolbox. Yes, he’s in his 30s now and Arsenal fans would be unhappy to see the reigning Golden Boot winner leave for Old Trafford but it’s happened before and it might just happen again. Aubameyang may not quite hit the heights of RVP but he should easily outdo Alexis Sanchez.

Aubameyang to sign for Man United this summer – 2/1