ONE of the many oddities around the deep love for our football clubs that so many of us hold is that we will defend it to the hilt no matter what. More so if a rival fan comes mocking at the door. 

It’s a scenario that has been played out for years – and has only been made worse by the rise and rise of the internet and social media. If you want to find someone having a pop at your club, they’re only a click away. Arguments on tap for as long as you live. With complete strangers. Bit weird when you think about it.

But, on the subject, and donning the rose-tinted specs for a moment, I remember the heady times when what the tabloids call ‘transfer flops’ were the subject of hours of fun with an Evertonian mate of mine. 

It’s fair to say once we got going with a tit-for-tat of bad buys the Goodison list was – of course – longer than its Anfield counterpart.

But leaving the likes of Mike Milligan, Preki and Per Kroldrup aside for now, following up on a recent piece about Liverpool’s best five buys in the Premier League era, here is my choice of the worst purchases in the same period.

It was hard to whittle it down to just five to be honest, and perhaps if that Bluenose had done his homework we could have gone for longer before I trumped anything he had to offer with Brett Angell.

Anyway, in no particular order, here goes: 

 

Mario Balotelli: £16m from AC Milan, August 2014.

The signs didn’t look good from the start. Jose Mourinho had labelled Balotelli “unmanageable” and then Reds boss Brendan Rodgers had come out with the immortal line: “I can categorically tell you that he will not be coming to Liverpool.”

Then he did, with Rodgers open – perhaps too open – about the signing being a gamble. It all came across a bit desperate.

Us fans tried to make the best of it, searching out highlights of Balotelli’s undoubted talent on YouTube and pondering that, given the calibre of clubs that had taken a chance on him, there was some hope after all. 

Liverpool loves an unlikely hero, and the fans did their bit, singing Balotelli’s name from the very start. Turned out he didn’t deserve such love.

Mario, it appeared, couldn’t really be arsed. He managed just one Premier League goal and moments of quality in red were short in supply. 

More, it turned out he was a bit of an arse in training. From random disruptive outbursts, infamously scoring a spectacular own goal from the halfway line then laughing out loud at his “achievement” and even bringing his mates to Melwood, it appeared helping Liverpool achieve success was low on his list of priorities.

 

El Hadji-Diouf: £10m from Lens, June 2002.

There’s an unconvincing argument to be made for not including Diouf, and it goes like this – he had way more talent than many that could feature in a much longer list of Anfield’s mistakes in the market.

Whether it was performances at the 2002 World Cup, his debut showing at Anfield versus Southampton that sparked his (bad) song from the terraces or a fine game in the League Cup final against Manchester United, there were flashes of what prompted Gerard Houllier to fork out that big fee.

Yet it was clear that not enough homework was done before the buy. At Liverpool, fans often talk of players who ‘get it’. Diouf was the polar opposite. His attitude was grim. His performances too often lacking. And the spitting incident at Celtic, allied to the fact he was the only number nine in Liverpool FC to go a season without a goal, say it all.

That he was chosen over Nicolas Anelka – who remains as puzzled by that decision as we do – only adds to the ire.

 

Paul Konchesky: £3.5m from Fulham, August 2010.

Roy Hodgson should never have been the manager of Liverpool FC. And Paul Konchesky should never have pulled on the red shirt.

Coming on for a decade on, neutrals might suggest this is hindsight. Yet few on Merseyside expected either of these men to improve The Reds from the moment their names were mentioned in the same breath as Liverpool.

And they were right.

Hodgson, when not taking aim at fans, journalists or anyone else he could push some blame for his failings towards, was the centre of some awful decisions that truly boggled the mind.

And right up there among the worst was signing Konchesky. Opting for the tried and tested ‘bring some mates from an old club’ transfer technique, the defender was tempted north after his time with Hodgson at Fulham.

The challenge was very different at Liverpool though, even in those dark days. And it soon became apparent that Konchesky wasn’t up to the task. 

It also bizarrely brought his mum into the limelight, with Mrs Konchesky fuming on Facebook at the “Liverpool Scouse scum” that wasn’t taking too kindly to watching a full-back who turned slower than the Mersey ferry get skinned over and over again.

When Kenny Dalglish took the reins from Roy one of his first decisions was to usher the player out of the exit door. Thanks, Roy.

 

Christian Poulsen: £4.5m from Juventus, August 2010.

Another from Uncle Roy’s big black book, The Hodge knew Poulsen from his days at FC Copenhagen and decided the Dane was just what was needed to replace the fighting spirit of fan favourite Javier Mascherano, who was bound for Barcelona.

It seemed to have passed Roy by that 10 years had passed since they had first worked together and the levels at the top end of the Premier League were not as forgiving on Poulsen’s 30-year-old legs as Denmark had been when he was aged 20.

Mascherano had an army of fans on The Kop who loved the Argentine’s manic will to win, which was matched by the bucket-loads of effort he poured into every match. If Mascherano was playing, you knew about it.

Poulsen, by contrast, was slow, safe, and soon became a symbol of everything that was wrong with the Hodgson rein. Thanks again, Roy.

 

Joe Cole: Free transfer, July 2010.

As I said, it was dead hard whittling this down to five. I had a list of 37 at one point and reckon I could make a decent case for each and every one of them. So why Joe Cole?

It’s a bit about him, his performances, the money blown on him. But it’s also about what it was supposed to represent. And why the deal was done.

Cole was tempted to Anfield on a free by staggering wages at the time of £130,000 a week, with Liverpool – not surprisingly – the only club willing to meet that figure. He was also given a four-year contract. 

And all that for a 28-year-old player who had struggled for game time at Chelsea after 10 months out with a ruptured cruciate ligament.

It was not the work of departing boss Rafa Benitez. And incoming manager Roy Hodgson also washed his hands of it, saying later in the year: “He’s not so much a player I can really take responsibility for.”

In fact, it was then managing director Christian Purslow who was convinced Cole was the cliched “statement signing” that told the world all was well at L4.

That statement was not quite what he intended and claims that it was the “coup of the summer” were soon made to look ridiculous. 

Cole's debut lasted only 45 minutes before he was sent off against Arsenal at Anfield. His next home appearance saw him miss a penalty against Trabzonspor in the Europa League. 

He started 19 of Liverpool's 54 competitive matches and was a substitute in 13 more, often looking like he was struggling to keep pace with play.

In the end he was shipped off to France and everyone tried to forget that a ‘free’ transfer had potentially cost Liverpool FC around 27 million quid. 

Some statement.

Liverpool to win the Premier League – 9/4