Give Me A Break

Life was different in September 1992. England played a game, yes, but it was a friendly in Spain. Graham Taylor was manager and he had one of England’s leading light blue away kits at his disposal which he duly used. He also rewarded players who had begun the brand new FA Premier League in good form, namely David White and Brian Deane, the former making his debut, the latter making his third and final Three Lions appearance. Sadly for White, Deane and Taylor, Spain, despite restricting Pep Guardiola on the bench as an unused substitute, won 1-0 with some ease. The tabloids, in the first England international fixture after the Turnip summer of ’92, seamlessly transformed the beleaguered manager into a Spanish onion. So much veg, so few goalscoring options.

If you’re wondering why this slightly bleak trip down memory lane is necessary, here’s the most important bit of all: England played on Wednesday September 9 but there was no pause in the red hot FA Premier League action, with games on the weekend before and the weekend after. A better life *is* possible but it’s easier to imagine the end of football itself than the end of the early September international break. Meddling sports scientists might use the fact that the FA Premier League games on September 12-14 produced a total of only 26 goals in 11 matches (five of those coming in a classic encounter between Chelsea and Norwich City at Stamford Bridge, the Canaries thus becoming the second team in the new competition to come from two goals down to win a game, after Norwich City at Highbury on the opening day) as an argument that a club football shutdown is necessary when international football dusts down its autumn coat, but they would be wrong.

Just as you, a person in 2021, have settled happily into the rhythm of the new Premier League season it’s cruelly suspended for a fortnight but England’s least popular lockdown is coming to an end and we need to see which teams and players deal with resumption best.

If you’re looking for and interested in goals, then don’t expect a team to score more than six times this weekend. Only twice in Premier League history has a side scored even six times in their first game after the September international fixtures, firstly when Manchester United, with Ronnie Wallwork making his first league start at Old Trafford, defeated Bradford City 6-0 in 2000 and secondly when Arsenal thrashed Southampton 6-1 at the Emirates, although it was essentially a result which edged Southampton closer to replacing manager Nigel Adkins with Mauricio Pochettino later in the season, something that would eventually mean Tottenham have appeared in a Champions League final more recently than their arch rivals.

On this day in 2003, Arsenal thrashed Southampton 6-1 at Highbury to start Gunners' amazing English Premier League record 49-game unbeaten streak which ended on 24 October, 2004 with 2-0 defeat at Manchester United.#ThrowbackThursday pic.twitter.com/wAUqgHjlax

— Queen Moseph (@Queenjohn4) May 6, 2020

One of the better recent performances at this point of the season (and we cannot look at last season because the first games after England’s September 8 draw in Denmark was… the opening day of the season! Crazy!) was Chelsea winning 5-2 away at Wolves in 2019, which featured current Serie A superstars Fikayo Tomori scoring with his first ever Premier League shot, and Tammy Abraham scoring both a hat-trick and an own goal, a feat which is better that way around than vice versa. Abraham isn’t the only player to celebrate the return of domestic football with a cool treble either, as 14 others have also done so. Expected names like Wright, Owen, Rooney, Aguero, Lukaku and Salah are indeed in there but so are lesser lights like Steven Naismith (for Everton against Chelsea in 2015) and Marlon Harewood (for West Ham against Aston Villa in 2005). Sometimes the chance to hit life anew in the crisp September air is all a player needs.

Finally, anyone looking for Harry Kane to follow up his excellent goal for England against Poland by opening his Premier League account should be aware that he is not exactly a regular scorer in the first game back. Two goals against Everton in 2017 and a goal against Stoke a year earlier is all he has. The greatest trick Kane ever pulled was convincing us that August was his most difficult period of time. Cristiano Ronaldo, meanwhile, never scored in this equivalent fixture in his previous spell at Manchester United. Not everyone can be Marlon Harewood, after all.

Find more of Duncan’s insights at www.theanalyst.com