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Alternative Premier League

WE all know who won the Premier League, who scored the most goals, who was relegated, who won possession in the middle third among defenders… well, maybe not that last one (it was William Saliba btw).

However, football afficionados like you won’t be satisfied with the top line, mainstream season facts and stats, the kind dished out to the footballing hoi-polloi. You sophisticates will want and, indeed, deserve, more – and we’re here to give it to you.

Let’s start up top with Dominic Solanke. The former Chelsea and Liverpool striker has blossomed under Bournemouth’s Basque manager, Andoni Iraola, netting a whopping 19 goals in the Premier League in 2023-24, the most ever by a Cherries player in a top-flight campaign.

Digging deeper into the stat coalface, we find that a fruity nine of those bagged by Solanke were opening goals, the joint-most of any player in the division this season, level with the more high-profile Erling Haaland and Cole Palmer. Not bad for a humble Cherry!

Premier League 23-24 Team Opening Goals
Dominic Solanke Bournemouth 9
Cole Palmer Chelsea 9
Erling Haaland Manchester City 9
Alexander Isak Newcastle United 6
Bukayo Saka Arsenal 6
Jarrod Bowen West Ham United 6
Jean-Philippe Mateta Crystal Palace 6
Ollie Watkins Aston Villa 6

Solanke also ranks highly when it comes to equalisers, although in this case it’s the gifted quartet of Alexander Isak, Bruno Fernandes, Chris Wood and Matheus Cunha who jointly win the Edward Woodward trophy.

Premier League 23-24 Team Equalisers
Alexander Isak Newcastle United 5
Bruno Fernandes Manchester United 5
Chris Wood Nottingham Forest 5
Matheus Cunha Wolverhampton Wanderers 5
Dominic Solanke Bournemouth 4
Callum Hudson-Odoi Nottingham Forest 4
Carlton Morris Luton Town 4
Cole Palmer Chelsea 4
Elijah Adebayo Luton Town 4
Michael Olise Crystal Palace 4
Mohamed Salah Liverpool 4
Oliver McBurnie Sheffield United 4
The Equaliser!

2023-24 was a bumper campaign for players scoring in the Premier League against club they had previously played for in the competition, with 22 goals coming this way, a joint-high in a season in the competition’s history.

Premier League Season Goals v Former Clubs
2023-24 32
2009-10 32
2007-08 27
2008-09 27
2012-13 27

 

Some of those goals proved pretty pivotal, such as Konstantinos Mavrapanos’ header for West Ham in their victory over title-chasers Arsenal at the Emirates. However, Chris Wood stands head and shoulders above the rest when it comes to exacting revenge on a former club, with the burly hitman bagging a total five goals against former clubs courtesy of a hat-trick against Newcastle and a brace on the final day of the season against relegated Burnley. In haunting his former teams, the New Zealander became just the second player in Premier League history to hit five goals in a single season against clubs once played for in the competition.

Premier League Season Goals v Former Clubs
Wood, Chris 2023-24 5
Anelka, Nicolas 2006-07 5
Kane, Harry 2015-16 4
Crouch, Peter 2013-14 4
Bellamy, Craig 2008-09 4
Anelka, Nicolas 2002-03 4
Cole, Andrew 1999-00 4

While player of the season, Phil Foden, managed to score 19 goals in the Premier League in 2023-24 from an Expected Goals figure of just 10.3 (the biggest positive differential this season), at the other end of the scale it is Everton’s Dominic Calvert-Lewin who gets the wooden spoon, with the striker netting just seven Premier League goals from an xG value of almost 13.

PL 2023-24 Team   Goals   xG Worst Differential
Dominic Calvert-Lewin Everton 7 12.9 5.9
Darwin Núñez Liverpool 11 16.4 5.4
Brennan Johnson Tottenham Hotspur 5 10.3 5.3
Nicolas Jackson Chelsea 14 18.6 4.6
Luis Díaz Liverpool 8 11.9 3.9
*minimum five goals

 

Third on that list is Brennan Johnson, and while the Tottenham winger may have not been the most clinical in front of goal, his performances off the bench for the Lilywhites were mighty impressive.

Only two players managed to win their team more points via goals as a sub than the Welshman.

PL 2023-24 Subs Team Goals Points Won
Scott McTominay Manchester United 4 7
Darwin Núñez Liverpool 3 5
Harvey Barnes Newcastle United 4 4
Brennan Johnson Tottenham Hotspur 2 4
Sasa Kalajdzic Wolverhampton Wanderers 2 4

While in terms of goals plus assists, the Welshman was the most productive, notching 10 points for Spurs with cameo appearance goal involvements, the second-best return for a sub in a single season in Premier League history.

PL 2023-24 Subs Team Goals + Assists Points Won
Brennan Johnson Tottenham Hotspur 6 10
Scott McTominay Manchester United 5 7
Darwin Núñez Liverpool 5 5
Harvey Barnes Newcastle United 6 4
Kai Havertz Arsenal 2 4
Sasa Kalajdzic Wolverhampton Wanderers 2 4
       
Premier League Subs Season Goals + Assists Points Won
Edin Dzeko 2012-13 7 11
Brennan Johnson 2023-24 6 10
Christian Benteke 2015-16 8 9

While Brighton may not have quite hit the heights of their 2022-23 campaign, as now departed boss Roberto Di Zerbi head turned mid-season by opportunities elsewhere, their ever-reliable captain Lewis Dunk remained a stalwart.

By the end of the campaign, the England centre-half had racked up 241 Premier League appearances, with every one of them coming as a start. Only four other outfield players in the history of the competition have played more games without making a single sub appearance.

Premier League All-Time 100% Starts
Gareth Southgate 426
Paul Ince 306
Des Walker 264
Gary Pallister 261
Lewis Dunk 241

Finally, spare a thought for those players who tried their very best yet reaped very little rewards for all their hard work.

 

While the likes of Wood and Solanke got into the record books for their goalscoring prowess, it’s the latter’s teammate who makes the review for his failure to put the ball in the back of the net. Scottish midfielder, Ryan Christie, mustered a whopping 43 shots in the Premier League this season, without a single one of them finding its way into the back of the net – an unfortunate season-high for the former Celtic man.

Premier League 2023-24 Total Shots Without Scoring
Christie, Ryan 43
Enciso, Julio 28
Gilmour, Billy 25
Vitinho 25
Bissouma, Yves 24

Speaking of gargantuan efforts with zero reward, poor old Jacob Bruun Larsen did his best to register an assist in the top-flight this season, with the Burnley midfielder providing an impressive 25 goalscoring chances without his ungrateful teammates putting the finishing touch to any of them, leaving the Dane with zero assists despite the effort.

Premier League 23-24 Chances Created without an Assist
Bruun Larsen, Jacob 25
Kovacic, Mateo 21
Young, Ashley 21
Édouard, Odsonne 18
Onana, Amadou 18

Lastly, congratulations to Manchester City title winner, Rúben Dias, who managed to commit 23 fouls without picking up a single caution in the Premier League in 2023-24.

PL 2023-24 Team   Fouls Conceded without a Card
Rúben Dias Manchester City 23
Chris Wood Nottingham Forest 22
Amari’i Bell Luton Town 22
Ryan Gravenberch Liverpool 20
Jay Rodríguez Burnley 18
Luca Koleosho Burnley 18

No doubt 2024-25 will throw up another smorgasbord of niche facts for us to feast upon next May!


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