BY the time you read this Erik Ten Hag might be gone, released from his nightmare stint in charge of a rotting edifice that chews up managers and spits them out broken.
That a departure – with just three games to go, one of which is a cup final – is even being discussed here as a possibility highlights the absolute mess Manchester United are in right now, the fathom after fathom they have sunk to.
Yes, all season long, they have been accompanied by crisis and calamity. This is by no means a new development. But so bad were Ten Hag’s disjointed, insipid bunch of strangers at Selhurst Park on Monday evening that crisis and calamity were almost looked back on nostalgically.
And so it is that a preview of United v Arsenal in early May – an end-of-season meeting that, in times past, would have been hyped up to the rafters – instead comes with a caveat that a significant change may occur in between writing this and publication.
This illustrates where United are presently. Who they are presently. Until the next false dawn, they are done.
There are of course many other metrics from which to gauge their downfall.
Their four-goal thumping in South London was United’s 13th league defeat of the season, the most they have suffered in the Premier League era. They have conceded 81 goals across all comps, the most since 1976-77. They are on course to post their worst points return for 35 years.
In 2024 they have faced 316 shots in the Premier League, more than any other team. That works out at an attempt on Andre Onana’s goal every 4.2 minutes, once or twice a week, over four and a bit traumatic months.
Naturally, Ten Hag must take a lot of responsibility for this sustained fiasco. How could he not, stubbornly persisting with a mandate to hurt teams in transition but only setting up half his team to do this.
That alone has resulted in swathes of space routinely being gifted to opposition wingers and number tens, all the while leaving a distinctly average back four without any protection.
It has been less a tactic as a thought experiment, an unhinged one at that. A mad scheme, the like of which is usually conceived by screen villains wishing to bring chaos and disruption to an orderly world.
Yet, for all of the Dutchman’s failings, he has encountered rotten luck too with injuries.
He has only been able to play his principle centre-back pairing of Varane and Martinez on a few occasions, amounting to 293 minutes. He is currently deprived of so many of his defensive roster that his only recognized centre-back is a 36-year-old the club brought back to mentor the kids.
Last Monday, ten absentees necessitated positional rejigs and a bench inhabited by unfamiliar youth.
On that note, it is hoped for United’s sake that at least one of Martinez, Varane, Shaw, or Lindelof is available this weekend – word is, all are close – and that’s because the deployment of Casemiro in the centre of defence at Selhurst Park was little short of disastrous. It was comedically bad. It was Taibi versus Chelsea bad, a horror-show for the ages.
On eight separate occasions the aging Brazilian was dribbled past, a record for the season and we only need conjure up the image of Bukayo Saka ferreting in-field or Casemiro’s fellow countryman Gabby Jesus doing his things to shudder at what’s the come. Jesus has averaged 2.1 successful dribbles in 2023/24.
Elsewhere, picking out where title-chasing Arsenal can find joy on Sunday afternoon leaves you spoilt for choice.
Kai Havertz’s false-nineing has brought 13 goal involvements in his last 12 league outings and the German is precisely the kind of clever operator to thrive in the spaces United afford. Leandro Trossard meanwhile is a player who tends to score in streaks, so it’s especially pertinent that he is scoring regularly of late.
Then there’s Martin Odegaard, creator of 94 chances this term, and Declan Rice’s recent reimagining as a marauding midfielder due to Thomas Partey’s return from injury.
If Arsenal do it right – and ten clean sheets on the road and 3.1 goals per 90 in 2024 suggest they will – Kobbie Mainoo could end up attempting to shackle both, falling between and betwixt.
🥁 Introducing our Player of the Month for April…
— Arsenal (@Arsenal) May 6, 2024
🥇 Kai Havertz
Lastly, before we get to United’s vestiges of hope to temporarily halt a narrative that just feels inevitable at this point, we must return to Saka. The Gunners flyer has scored or assisted in his last four meetings with the Reds.
So what chance do the hosts have to dramatically turn around their fading-fast fortunes, against the most complete Arsenal team since their Invincibles period?
That this is a must-win for Mikel Arteta’s men could be capitalized upon, particularly if the game is tight heading into the hour-mark.
A terrific head-to-head record in this fixture is also of some relevance, United losing only once at Old Trafford in the league to their southern foes in their last 15 encounters. On at least a couple of those occasions, United played poorly but somehow found a way.
Can a repeat performance be mined therefore this Sunday? That feels doubtful, even fanciful.
Those United teams that sourced some spirit amidst their own version of crisis at the time had something about them. This present incarnation is a mess from back to front.
Over 6.5 shots on target for the visitors and United most cards is a shout at 11/5
Please remember to gamble responsibly. Visit our Safer Gambling section for more information, help and advice.
